The Search is Real

Hello, everyone! Please please please read this, share this, and help me get the word out! Love you all! 🇨🇳

Embracing My Uniqueness

Hello lovelies! Abby here! There can be (as so many of you know) negative thoughts and feelings associated with being adopted. And even more associated with being different. These feelings are "normal" and need to be acknowledged, but in this post, I'd like to focus on the POSITIVE differences! What makes you unique? How do you embrace this? What are your favorite parts of being different and standing out?

All of us would love if you would comment or send us an email with your answers or just anything else. We can post it or just chat!

All my love,

Abby/Shuqi

Quick Update

Hello friends!

I know this blog has become dead since March due to the fact we (Harvest, Abby, and myself Lexie) are at different points in our lives. With school, work, college, personal and family issues, and the fact that we live so far apart it’s hard to maintain a blog regularly. But we just wanted to let you all know we haven’t forgotten about this blog and you all!

I was looking at the stats of the blog, and saw that we still get many views each week/month thanks to you guys! That means sooo much to us, the fact that even though we haven’t posted in a very long time we still have the support and interest in our community. Thank you all for still checking in on our blog, sharing your stories, and of course supporting us and the rest of the wonderful adoptee community! 

We will do our best to update this blog as much as we can!
Love you all.

Abby's March TOTM

I am somewhere between. Somewhere between being Chinese, and being American. But which side am I more on? Certainly not Chinese. I can't read, I can't write, and I can't speak Chinese. I have no idea what is going on in China, nor do I live there. Honestly, I only lived there for the first 11 months if my life! So I am more American? Nope. I don't look like the 'traditional' American. I wasn't born in America. And I can never become president because of that. So, what am I? Can I be both? Is it possible? 

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to go back to China. I've often felt out of place, here in the U.S. So when I got to go back this summer, a feeling of relief washed over me. I no longer stood out. I was no longer the minority, but the majority! Everywhere we went, other than our tour group, I looked just like everyone else! My birth country treated me as its own. With open arms and acceptance. What I mean by this is that the people spoke to me as if I spoke Chinese. They treated me as if I lived there. To me, it was the greatest feeling imaginable. Where I belonged.

There is some difficulty being somewhere between. A hard time finding who I am. But there are also positive things about being both Chinese and American. I have 2 different cultures. More holidays, and lots of different traditions. I will forever love being Chinese and American, despite the difficulties. I have to always remember how blessed I am to be both; and to have the wonderful families I have. Hopefully, someday, I will meet my other family, and become more in touch with my other half. But for now, I can only love what I know.   🇨🇳

Love, 

Shuqi

March TOTM

March Topic Of The Month: Somewhere Between

The wonderful documentary, Somewhere Between, is one of the reasons that inspired us to create this blog! This month’s topic is the idea of being “somewhere between”, and how we have encountered and faced challenges of being Chinese American adoptees. Also for us to be able to share how we find the balance between being born in a Chinese culture, and growing up in an Americanized society. Please comment or email us your story and/or opinion on this months topic! Thank you all so much! 

Love, 

 Harvest, Lexie, and Abby

Marie's Story

Hello! 

My name is Marie Curtis. I was born fully developed at only 4lb, (which if you don't know is really small). I was put into a foster home not long after my birth. Thankfully my lovely adoptive mom (but I will just call her mom) adopted me from China and brought me here to America. I was adopted at only 11 months old so I don't remember anything about China, or my real parents. My mom and dad brought me home to a nice small city called Arlee where my older sister was waiting. My sister her name is Mae is 3 years older than me, she was also adopted from China, but we are not blood related. 

For a while my life was really nice, but in February 2003, a little over two months befor I would turn 3 my dad committed suicide. I did not really know him very well and my mom had divorced him, so this change was unnoticed to me for a while longer. I don't even remember when I started thinking about dad. My sister however got angry at us all the time after that but she is much better now. Well enought of this sadness. My life kept going I moved two times before I started elementary school. At first I went to a very large and populated school, here I met my still today best friend Kendall (she is a girl) we have been to each others every Birthday ever since. But my mom taught music at a different elementary school so I was transferred to there. There on the bus still some kids would do the "my mom is Chinese, my dad is Japanese, look at what they did to me thing" but for some reason it never bothered me. In first grade I experienced my first time being bullied, it was nothing serious, but to a little kid who was very sensitive it hurt a lot. This one boy called me "weird Chinese girl"and his friend laughed with him. Of course I went to a teacher and everything was handled really quickly, especially since my mom would see them like twice a week throughout their entire elementary lives.

 That summer we took an amazing trip back to China for a couple of weeks only staying in a city for a few days at a time. It was so much fun. We ended up climbing the Great Wall of China. Getting cool sun umbrellas, and fans with the most detailed intricate designs. On our last day in China we stayed in the same hotel my mom and dad stayed in when they went to pick up Mae. The years went by, and I loved to be girly. Going to school I was a very smart girl, and loved to read and math. I was not very good at Art but I still loved drawing. Since my mom is a music teacher she had me take piano lessons from her. I gave that up in third grade and tried playing the Violin. I still play violin now though. 

Life went on and not much changed. Although I went on growing up I was always too shy. The first time I met another Chinese adopted girl my age was in 6th grade. Her name is Abby, on the first day of school Kendall had not seen her face yet so she mistakes her for me; but I don't see too much a similarity between us. Last summer I started learning how to speak Chinese again. It is very difficult, one of the hardest languages to learn. If you want to learn a new language go for it though it will almost defiantly be useful in the future.

I have never liked my middle name, in Chinese it means flower that blooms in the winter or as my mom says, it means I don't run away when the going gets tough. It was also my name before my mom changed my name to be an English name my name was FuXinmei. (Although most or the people who will read this will not know how to pronounce it.)

Although my birth and very early childhood was pretty bad, I don't let it define me. Yeah I know we all have our troubled times, and at least somewhere a bad time, but that is not what defines us. Who we are is not in the past or in the thoughts of others, but it is what ever you decide to become. I wear a mask sometimes, but that does not mean you should wear one too. I am not trying to tell you to be mean or rude or shout out whatever comes to mind and end up hurting someone's feelings. I am telling you to yes be your self but that does not mean you have an excuse for being rude. Put down your mask and be yourself. Don't let anyone or anything stop you from being your true self.

Sophie's Story

Coming to a Place Called 'Home' 

​This is a story about going back to China where I was born. I was adopted at age five in an orphanage in Shenzhen. Sometimes, I miss Shenzhen. I have both good and bad memories. But I do always question why I was adopted, who put me in the orphanage, who my caretaker was or who was my crib-mate was. I love my parents as my own birth parents. When I went to China with my family, the government paid for my trip. The government paid families with Chinese children because they want us to go back andvisit the country where we were born in.

​I was at the front of the orphanage building, taking a breath before I went in. I emotionally felt nervous, wondering what it looked like or the room looked the same? I have not been back since I was adopted. As my parents and brother walked with me to the front door. A woman came out with the biggest greeting smile ever. She said her name was Miss Pan. She was wearing a simple white dress that went just at her knees. In her hand, she had something; it looked like a photo? When she came closer it indeed was a photo. In the photo was a baby wrapped in a white fluffy blanket. She had a little cleft lip problem, that photo was me. My ma was just in love with the photo that she ended up writing about it for her job. I was shocked to see it, only because I never saw it when I was small. After all that excitement, we all went into the elevator. It was still the same as the last time I saw it. It was small, smelly and was a cloudy silver color.

​We stepped out of it, I was a bit eager to get into the rooms. The first room we saw was the preschool classroom. The classroom itself was covered in a baby pink and blue with some light green here and there. It also had some of the kids’ drawings. The kids were so adorable. My ma asked who my preschool teacher was, but they didn’t know because the teachers don’t stay in the same classroom every year. It was nice to see the room but it was not the same room I was in nine years ago. Each room we went had a different color like one was a green grass color, white color, ocean blue color or a yellow color. Also each room we saw didn’t have many kids, like about five to ten kids per room. My family asked why was there less kids in each room. Miss Pan said that the government gave away free surgeries with kids that were born cleft effected. I was supper happy. It felt like when a bird singing a happy tune for me to know that birth parents don’t have to give up their child because they can’t afford to pay for their child’s surgery. Another good part was that Miss Pan kept pointing out were the kids being adopted. Itfelt like a swarm of kids were going to be adopted. Some of my question was answered but not all. Like how my birth parents kept me for ten days after I was born or like my birthday is not actually my birthday but is near it. So after we left the orphanage I felt really happy to see my old orphanage have less kids or see kids going to be adopted and how I felt at peace too see how it is doing.

​After the trip I felt happy. In the beginning I always questioned myself who I was. Why did this happen? Was there a reason why I was left behind? The answer is that China is too crowed and people are too poor. Another reason is that my birth parents did what they did because they loved me dearly. This event taught me to be who I am and to be happy for what has happened. Only because I wouldn’t have a great family, friends, education, teacher, or learned about what the world it like. In the beginning I was the happy, smiley girl; the end I still am the happy, smiley girl but have matured on what the society is like in China. And now I don’t question whom I am because I am Sophie Guo Qing J. who is a loving, nice, happy, and enjoys life even if there are some bumps on the road person.

An Event That Only Made Me Stronger

I'm adopted, right? Well, so was my other sister, Lucy. Lucy was probably abused before she was abandon. I wasn't. Her orphanage wasn't as good as mine. 
Therefore, she didn't know how to love
She had mental issues, and was on meds and doing therapy since she was three. 
When I was in 3rd and 4th grade, my sister and I went to therapy, too. It helped us deal with my sisters problem.

When is was in 4th grade, she went to Shodair Children's Hospital. I saw her on supervised visits. She was videotaped everywhere she went. She lived there for about 2 months  
Then, she came home. She was better for a little bit, but then got worse. She didn't have a mental problem like the kids at school. It was different, and doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. 

When I was in 5th grade, she went to Intermountain Children's home. She was there for 6 months. We once again had supervised visits, and people would ask questions. 
After Christmas, she came home. She was better for a longer time, but then got worse. I rember hearing my mom crying in her room with my dad. Everyone was always stressed and anxious, and on edge. My 2 sisters and I were no longer the priority. 
We would take breaks from her, and go out of town for the weekend, leaving her at home with my grandparents. 

That spring, my family made a descison. 
First, we sent her to another family's house for the day. She liked it there and behaved.
Then she spent one night at the family's house.
Then, in April, after one night with the family, we let the family adopt her.
So now, that is why I only have 2 sisters.
But when Lucy came home from China, I wanted so desperately to be her sister. We coulda been adopted Chinese sisters. But not anymore.

And the worst part is, people ask questions. They make mean remarks. Sometimes they don't mean to, but they do. A couple months ago, my elementary school best friends came up and asked about Lucy. I told them, and they made mean remarks. They don't understand 
And I have seen her around town with her new family, happy, and loving. I don't want to keep in touch now. I thought I did, but I don't. But this summer was my birthday, and she sent me a gift. I can't even tell you how much that hurt me. 
You know, never ever, once in her life, did she ever say

I
Love
You
  
To me.
It is hard to understand unless you've lived it. Even I don't fully understand. Her pictures are still in the house, and some of her stuff is still here. I still cry often. But you know what? Life goes on. I never lost hope
That spring, I had the word hope written on the bottom of my left wrist in sharpie. 
No one noticed. No one knew. But I did. It kept me sane. And gave me hope.

Judge if you want. It won't be the first time. But this was a huge and difficult thing my family had to overcome. It made us stronger. 


~Abby

         

Abby's First Poem

Just a little poem I wrote. Hopefully you can relate. Xx.



I'd give anything to meet her.
To ask her my questions.
But I'm afraid of what I'll find.
Scared of the truth.
Does she love me?
Did she ever love me?
Am I her biggest regret?
Her darkest secret?
Constantly in the back of her mind?
In the depths if her heart,
Does she want me back?
Even care?
Or am I nothing?
One of her many babies
Carelessly thrown away.
Unwanted.
Unloved.
I need to know.
I so desperately want the answers.
But what if I can't handle it?
What if it's just
Too powerful?
Too formidable for even
The strongest of strong?
But something inside me knows
I'll never meet her.
And I'll never 
Know the truth.


Love,
Abby

                           

The Second Most Important Day

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”  -Mark Twain

        Before I knew it, I was about to embark on a fourteen-hour flight to Beijing. My mom promised me as a child, that when I got to high school we would make the journey back to my hometown. She kept that promise. On June 2013, we made it half way across the world to venture the beginning of my story. My fourteenth day of traveling around China, my mom and I made it to Hangzhou, the city where my life had changed forever, and the city where I united with my forever family.

Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, China

       On the tenth of July 2013, I had an overwhelming yet incredible lunch with my foster mom, orphanage director, and forever mom.  I found out how I got my name, and the personality I had when I was young. Seeing my foster mom standing on the steps of outside the building we met at in Lanxi is something I could never forget. I can describe this moment as similar to seeing family that I missed but that I do not remember, but yet still has had a deep impact on my life and has blessed me too. As we were waiting for our food to arrive, my foster mom took a napkin and gently dabbed my head as beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. I teared up with a feeling of a loss I could not explain, I missed her, after all she took care of me from almost the start for months.   She bought a brand new princess rolling backpack for me, a treasure. 

She saw me as still a child. She told me that she had been waiting seventeen years to see me again, and to imagine I was there at that time and place, knowing this was a hope when I was a child is a feeling beyond words. My foster mom showed much concern in making sure I got enough to eat and constantly serving me food during our lunch at a local restaurant. I could tell she bought all new clothes and dyed her hair in preparation for seeing me. Though I could also see that my foster mom has had a hard working life. Those moments with her seem so far away, and so short, but also some of the best moments of my life.

       During that day not only did I reunite with loved ones, but was able to see my hometown, Mada. I saw the beauty and simplicity of my town. I would say it was more like a village than a town. There were rice fields surrounding the town with old houses in columns, some leading to dead ends. As I peered in the houses I saw families; some playing games others talking. I saw kids outside playing, and one girl squatting and drawing in the dirt. I thought, that could have been me.  I absolutely fell in love with this little town, and to think I am standing within miles of where I was possibly born, brought tension and awe. To ponder on the fact that I could be passing or be within meters of my mom was a difficult thing to comprehend. This was the second most important day of my life as it gave me a new and brighter insight of a purpose my life holds.

       This trip has altered my viewpoint and perspective. This trip let me see a glimpse of the view God sees. My purpose here is greater than I know now. It’s view of hope and an impact.  My life from the beginning to 10 months after, have been missing, erased, forgotten, and left in the hands of the unknown.  Growing up I wondered what my purpose is here. Was I a mistake, because obviously I was not wanted.  Was I not the fit of an ideal child because I was not born the preferred gender? Was I a disappointment, or disgrace to my birth family because I would not be able to carry their name? Though after that day, I had more of an acceptance that there is a chance my family did not leave me because they did not love me, but maybe because they did love me. They possibly realized that my safety and health was so important to them that they loved selflessly and chose to make this decision. The possibilities became broader and filled with more hope.

       My time back to where my story began has let me truly believe that where I am standing there is a purpose. My purpose in life is far greater than I can begin to imagine, and to think about it is a bit scary, but I will keep trusting in the Lord because of what he has done already. I may not have had the happiest beginning, but the time back in my hometown has shown me that I am determined, and have a life ahead that not only will be pleasing to God but also will make my first family proud. So that one day, if I ever see them, I can share what my life has been like, and tell them to never feel regret, because my life and purpose here has been amazing and they, my forever family, and God have been the reason for that.

 ~(兰兰)

Lexie's Story

Hi everyone! My name is Alexis but I go by Lexie, and I was adopted from Shenzhen when I was 14 months old. I am currently 16 but I'll be turning 17 in less than a month (woohoo!). My Chinese name is FuZiJuin; Fu after being found in the Futian district and ZiJuin for lucky baby. When the Futian police found me, I was in pretty good condition and they knew I wasn't a newborn, so based on that, they think my birth mom had taken care of me for about 4 months before giving me up. My mom here never got married, but I have a big extended family which makes up for it. When I was younger, the fact that I was adopted didn't impact me much, but as I become older and more mature I realize it more and has made me want to get involved with the adoptee community more. Like other teenage girls, I have struggled with being myself, issues in my family, self confidence, and school. When I tell people that I am adopted, I get different reactions; some feel bad for me, some think it's weird, but only those who are adopted as well truly understand what it's like. Being adopted is not a bad thing as some people might think. To me, being adopted means my birth parents knew they couldn't raise me with what they had so they wanted me to have a chance of a better life, and I am forever grateful they made that decision.

This summer I went on a heritage travel group with my mom and aunt, which is where we (Harvest, Catherine, Abby, and I) all met. During the trip I experienced things from holding a baby panda and riding a two person bike on top of the old Xian city wall, to staying in a farmers' village and touring the Beijing Olympic Park. The most special part of the whole trip was being able to visit my orphanage Shenzhen. Pulling up to the building, I was nervous but also very excited. The orphanage had done A LOT of renovations and improved everything, thanks to Half the Sky Foundation, since my mom came to get me in 1998. It was humbling to see all of the kids and babies, there was even a guy who was turning 21 and was going to get married in August. The orphanage director, Mrs. Pan, and a translator gave us a lovely tour and then showed us their files they had of me. It was really cool to see the original documents, and there was a letter they had sent to my mom in reply to the christmas/update letter she sent, but we never received it. After the tour, Mrs. Pan, the translator, and two social workers from the orphanage took us out to a hotel for lunch where we were able to talk and enjoy our time together. Aside from the wonderful sites and places we got to see, the overall experience of trip and meeting other girls who share a special bond with me is something I will never forget.

If you are an adoptee and you haven't seen the documentary Somewhere Between, I STRONGLY recommend you watch it with your family! It really made me think about being an adopted girl from China living in America. I think it would be amazing to be able to find my birth family if they are still alive and well. Maybe someday. I am so thankful to have amazing family and friends here, and if it wasn't for everyone in China, who knows where I would be at this point in my life. When I'm older, I really want to go back to China and help orphanages like mine so that every boy and girl has the opportunity I had of a better life.

Fuli's Story

Hey there! My name is Fuli Chan and I live in the fourth largest state known as  Montana.(: I live with my dog named LuLu, my sister who is 3 years older, and with my mom and dad.

I was born on April 18, 2000 and my parents came to get me on June 17, 2001. I was born in Cenxi Guanxi, China. About 5 hours away from Nanning.

When my parents came to get me, I was scared, worried, confused, and VERY tired. I didn't know what was happening (of course) because in my mind I was thinking,"Why on EARTH would they (the orphanage caretakers) be giving me away??" But as soon as they handed me to my new mom I was very clingy to her. I would hold onto her as tight as I could! My new dad was taking a ton of pictures and videoing the whole thing. Quite an emotional state for my main orphanage caretaker though. Separated from her forever.

However, on June 16, 2012, my family and I went on a 3 week trip to China. A dream come true for both my sister and I. We flew to Washington, then on an 18 hour flight to Seoul, South Korea, then upwards to Beijing. My family was with the "Holt" adoption group.

Man, did we go to a ton of places!(: My family and I loved every single moment of our trip. My sister reunited with her foster family and saw her orphanage. I saw my orphanage and had lunch with the adoption director (from the time) and believe it or not, my main orphanage caretaker. Best moment of my life. We smiled, we cried, and we talked. When my parents got me, they took a photo of her (my caretaker) and me (In 2001). When we met up again, (in 2012) she still had that photo in her purse. I can't believe she had kept that photo for 11 years!(': That made my whole family cry including her. That moment was definitely pure happiness.

We had such a journey in China and seeing all of those Asians made me feel more comfortable than ever. It made me feel like I belonged. Montana doesn't have very many Asians. Adoption was and still is hard for me at times. Just the thought of not seeing or not being able to meet my birth parents is such a hard topic for me. And I am still slowly getting used to it.

DNA doesn't make a family though.. Love does. And we are very lucky that we were adopted.💜

Love, Fuli💋

Harvest's Story

Hi everyone! My name is Harvest Joy Keeney and I live in the valley of California, also known as Visalia. It isn't exactly what everyone thinks California is, but I mean, it's not too bad. There are many Asian people in the area, but few are Chinese, few (if any) are adopted, and none are named Harvest, except for me of course. I wrote my story a little bit different than everyone else. I wrote this about my experience reuniting with my orphanage, but also connected it with my adoption and life as a Chinese girl in America :-) (I'm sorry if it's a little long and the spacing is weird.)

It was this summer when I went on one of the greatest adventures I had ever encountered. My mom and I departed from the L.A.X Airport on June 28^th, and thirteen hours later, arrived in the Beijing Capital International Airport. Little did I know that later in the week; I would visit one of the Seven Wonders of the World, The Great Wall of China; eat scorpion in a market downtown of Beijing; hug a panda; meet three beautiful friends I am still in touch with today; and experience something else that was far beyond amazing.  

           

As the trip to China came to its end, there was one last thing that my mom and I had

planned to do. We were going to travel to the country side of Si Chuan province and visit my

orphanage in De Yang, China. My loving parents had adopted me when I was only fourteen

months old. Now, twelve years later after some very tough years when the adoption of my little sister did not work out and when my father's deteriorating health led to his death; my mother and I had come back to China to reunite with the people that once took care of me before my life in America.

The car ride to our destination was filled with a whirl wind of mixed emotions. When the  vehicle stopped, my heartbeat did as well. I looked out the car window once again and gazed upon a large building. The sky was grey and hazy and the weather was muggy. I felt goose bumps as I got out of the car and stepped on the ground before the place I lived twelve years ago. My mother and I entered the building and up the stairs to the office of the orphanage director, Mrs. Wu. Once she saw us, she gave us a warm welcome and called me by my Chinese name, Minxia. As we sat down in her office, my mom and I began to cry because this was a very emotional experience. I think I began to cry not only because this was really happening, but because Mrs. Wu remembered me. I felt relieved that the situation was not awkward, but as if it was just yesterday that I still lived in the orphanage.               

           

Later that day, I was able tour the rest of the orphanage and see many of the children that

were waiting to be adopted, just like I was. I also met the other women that worked at the

orphanage, including the ones that took care of me. All of them were very excited to see me and greeted me with many hugs. In addition to being reunited with the women who took care of me, I also was privileged to meet two girls that used to play with me. They were now twenty, and one of them was married. Although they had their own lives now, the orphanage allowed them to spend the night if they ever wanted to, because they were like family.        

           

Unfortunately the time came for me to leave the orphanage and fly back to America. Mrs.

Wu and everybody else at the orphanage took lots of pictures with me, wished my mother and I well, and invited me to come back and visit soon. Before our reunion, I was so scared of what they would think of me and nervous of what they would say. Nevertheless, I had nothing to worry about because Mrs. Wu and the other women treated me like family, because I still was family to them.

 I  have experienced many bumpy roads in my life in America and I know there are still more to come. I have struggled with my friends, family, and also being confident in myself; but I have never struggled with the fact that I was adopted. I know my birth mother abandoned me for a reason and I know she did it out of love. She wanted me to have a better life. I was also blessed with an orphanage that took very good care of me before my life in the USA began. The love that the women at the orphanage embraced me with broke the ice between feeling nervous and feeling at home. Part of my heart will always stay in China, and with the people that are my second family.

 

Abby's Story

Hello beautiful girls! My name is Abigail (Abby) Qi Stiffler! I live in the great state of Montana! Did you know we have 4 times more cows than people? That's just...sad. And what's even sadder, is that we have very, very few Chinese American adopted girls. But why? We're half Chinese, half American! We are the two hardest languages to learn! We are diverse, unique, and beautiful! 


So here is the story of my Chinese self, my identity, and my adoption. 

In Anqing, Anhui China I was born on June 23, 2000 (or maybe a few days earlier, I don't know) and was left at the Lingbei Infant School. On June 23, 2000, the Lingbei police found me, and brought me to the Children's Welfare Institute of Anqing City. Here I was loved, cared for, and given the name Zhu Shuqi. On May 14, 2001, my parents adopted me. I was sick, and very scared. Once I was given to my mom, I clung to her necklace, and somehow holding it comforted me. I was brought back to Montana, and lived as an only child with my mom, dad, and dog, Lizzie. The summer of 2002, my sister, Ellie was born. I loved her, played with her, and never thought of her differently because she didn't look like me. In 2008, my second sister, Jane was born. But by this time, I had already faced some problems of me being Chinese. I'd been told I had weird squinty eyes, and a flat nose. All the kids at school did the "my mom is Chinese, my dad is Japanese, look at what they did to me!" rhyme. But I never had the courage to tell them to stop. I had also noticed that I was different than everyone else; and it made me feel uncomfortable and left out. Later, in 7th grade, I wanted to start wearing makeup. But some girls at school told me that I had such weird eyes, and that makeup just wasn't gonna work for me; and that you wouldn't be able to see it, and I'd look weird. I once again believed them, and didn't stand up for myself. Finally this year, thanks to youtube and my mom, I've started wearing a little bit of makeup. Something you can see, fits my style, and doesn't require hours and hours of work. I've found who I want to be. I'm still working on completely accepting myself, and the fact I'm Chinese. I find myself wishing I had blonde hair and blue eyes. I still have those moments I wished I was Caucasian more than anything. But if you look closely, Caucasian has the word Asian in it. So can't I be both?

Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to go back to China. Finally, this past 2013 summer, I got to. I had the opportunity to see some of the thousands and thousands of amazing Chinese artifacts, historical places, and tourist attractions. I got to hold a panda, walk the Great Wall, and see the Terra-cotta Warriors. But the most important thing was seeing my orphanage. I got to see some of my old nannies. They even remembered me. Then I visited my Finding Spot. The Lingbei Infant School. It brought many tears, and much happiness to see that it was a bright and cheerful place. To see my birth mother cared, and wanted to leave me at a happy place. The neighborhood around the preschool is probably where I would have lived. We left a poster there, and hoped someone with any information would call. But we had no luck. But now I have decided to try and find my birth mother and birth family. It will be difficult, and highly unlikely, but it is always worth a try. I want to believe, need to believe, that she is out there somewhere. And deep deep down in the depths of her heart, still loves me. 


Being adopted has been hard for me. But it has also made me stronger. It has made me who I am. And I have been blessed to have the family I have now. Just remember, no matter what stage you are in of accepting yourself, that you are beautiful! You are loved! Never give up, and never lose hope! You are adopted, and that is wonderful! You are unique!  You are CHINESE! ❤️



~Shuqi

                           

A Little About Our Blog!

Here we are: four girls, three states. Pennsylvania, Montana, and California. Connected by one thing. Something bigger, stronger, and more powerful than us all. Adoption. What is adoption? Webster's Dictionary says adoption is "the act or process of beginning to use something new or different". But is that what adoption really is? Using a new child? I don't think so. What do you think adoption is? 


We want girls just like us to share their stories! So, all you have to do is email your story to chinabloggirls@gmail.com. We will post your story! You may also ask us to post your opinions, answers to our questions, and any other helpful and inspirational things! Your story may remain anonymous if you choose, or you can have your name on it. The reason we read your stories before posting them is to make sure that we have appropriate and real stories. No hate, racism, or negative comments! Please email us your story! We want as many stories as possible! You can also try and connect with some of these girls if they are willing to give their contact information to you. Hopefully this blog gains many viewers; as we are also posting a blog on a Chinese website. Your story may go up there, too! 


Lastly, ask us questions! Just email them to us! We may post them, for some girls may have the same questions! But we will personally reply to you with a more detailed, and personal response. Once again, your question may remain anonymous if you choose. Lexie, Harvest and I are excited about this blog! Get involved, ask us questions, and share your stories!




~Abby

First Post

Hello all! This is the first post of this blog! Yay! So, the purpose of this blog is to let stories be shared of Chinese adoptees! The owners of this blog are Lexie, Harvest, and myself. Hopefully it will be successful, inspiration, and fulfill one of its purposes: let you know you're not alone! I am hoping for at least one post a week!

                      ~Abby